Friday, August 05, 2005

The Bullseye is better than Mickey Mouse…

********A little while back we posted this guest blog from a fellow Target addict. We then erased our blog by accident so here is a repost!

By: Distressed Jeans

I feel the excitement before I am even in the store. My bowels feel loose and I hope I can keep my bladder under control. Who knows what goodies I’m going to find with a bright red sticker saying those magic words: Clearance, $3.48. I just never know. Gripping my purse tightly, I walk through the automatic doors and feel the whoosh of cold air and the gentle scent of freshly roasted hot dogs and buttery popcorn floating in the air. It’s a near religious experience. My first order of business is to secure the trip with a cup of hot coffee. Then the fun can begin.

Grabbing the red cart, I head directly for the juniors department or if I’m feeling lucky, the jewelry area where I am sure to find a little something trendy for my ears and neck. Then it’s over to the clothes where a smile is fastened on my face, I love clothes! Last winter I found the cutest pair of turquoise jeans with back pockets that made my butt feel as round and small as a freshly picked Granny Smith apple. I did not buy them and trust me, I regretted not doing so even now, months later. The jeans would have been very hot with a funky belt and tank top. I would have had the paparazzi chasing me for a photograph I would be so cute. When you find a treasure, you must act upon it. The pants were long gone when I went back to buy them. I hunt for clothes with the precision of a military sharpshooter, going in and stealthily pawing through the racks of clothes, pants, shorts and skirts. Isaac Mizrahi beckons me and then I hear Mossimo call my name. I am able to launch my attack quietly and with full concentration.

I may meander though the shoe department, taking time to try on a wedge or pump and admire my feet in a tiny mirror that sits on the floor. With flip flops being under $4 it is entirely possible to get a pair in every color and have money left over for cosmetics.

Usually I skip around the store, admiring the bedding, curtains, pillows and bathroom stuff, creating an imagined need for cute cups and a nifty soap dispenser. The kitchen department has every gadget you could dream of and since when don’t I need a new smoothie maker? Amazingly, one lands in my cart along with a ceramic pineapple and a Mexican inspired tablecloth. The angels sing and the music swells as I enter into the beauty aisle, where I must pick up every new item and debate whether or not I need a twenty sixth tube of lipstick or gloss. Most likely I will toss a mascara in the cart, usually L’Oreal Voluminous in Black Noir, just FYI. I can justify a purchase ten ways in this department. Of course I need a new perfume! Body lotion? Sure. A loofah? Certainly! And who wouldn’t benefit from a facial puff? Please! Toss it in the cart.

Winding down my shopping experience which is on par with a trip to Disneyland but better because I can afford to buy more, I get a bag of Starbucks coffee and toaster strudels. When I get home, I wonder how a watering can, sports watch, a planter of jasmine, spiral notebook and set of magic markers have found their way inside my home. Looks like I need to head back to return everything. Or not. Or just you know, poke around and see what’s new.


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